It's so Confusing...

Its been a long journey from where i was a tiny tot till now.. and suddenly i find that i no longer go along with the crowd and start realizing that there are and were many things about myself that i didn't know and may not like and some that i tried to hide. and at this stage i started feeling insecure and wondering where I'll will be in a year or two, but then get scared because i just realised that i barely know where i am now. I start realizing that people are mean, selfish, arrogant, and that, maybe, those friends that i thought were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people i have ever met and i think those who i thought would be no good could have turned out to be better people, and the people i have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. But i guess most people of my age will be going through the same phase. They and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as I am. As look at my present job and it is not even close to what i thought i would be doing, or maybe I'm looking forward for another job and realizing that I'm going to have to start at the bottom and that scares me. Maybe i was just hoping against hope that the sky's open up and they let me fall into my dream job. My opinions have gotten stronger and wiser, but i have also been known to throw regular tantrums which i didn't do so regularly earlier. I see what others are doing and find myself judging and being opinionated more than usual because suddenly i realize that i have certain boundaries in life and I'm constantly adding things to the list of what is acceptable and what isn't, and what is downright nonsense. One minute, I'm insecure and then the next, secure as if i on a wave. I laugh and cry with the greatest enthusiasm. I Sometimes feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and i try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where i was are or move forward onto untraveled paths. i get heart broken and all emotional and wonder how someone i loved could do such damage to me. I lie on my bed and wonder why i can't meet anyone decent enough that i want to get to know better. Or maybe i love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why I'm doing this because i realise that i aren't such a bad person. I want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority as slowly and steadily i realise that i was over depending. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. I go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with my friends about the same topics because i cannot seem to make a decision. Now the time is such that the major worries are about money, the future, settling down and making a life for myself... and its a rat race. While winning the race would be great, right now i just like to be a contender! I dont know how many of you out there can relate to this. I just know that I'm enjoying the best, even though confusing, of times and worst,even with lot of ups, of times, trying as hard as i can to figure this whole thing out.

Well i guess i have just entered the limbo that people call the "Quarter-life Crisis" :)